Happiness and Heartaches

Before I begin, there's one thing I must admit: you wouldn't believe how exciting it is to sit down and write for fun... no AP style, no five w's, no inverted pyramid, no deadlines. Just straight up grammatically incorrect, 'write like ya talk', full of opinions, (and probably misspellings) blogging. Aaahhhh.....(sigh of relief).

So much has happened lately and the fact of the matter is, life has been too darn hectic (and painful) to sit down an even attempt to write a post. So, where do I begin?

Last post found me sad, hurt, feeling useless and desperate to make a difference. The good news is, my government contract was completed Sep. 30 and I actually got paid the amount I was promised (woah, the gov't came through, thanks guys!) Towards the end of my contract I was searching heavily for another job and applied at numerous places. 

In early October, I was was chosen for an interview with the Clovis News Journal for the staff writer position. Shortly after, I was offered the job. Because my dad's birthday was Oct. 3 and my brother and his fiance (now wife), Liz were getting married on Oct. 6th, I had requested not to start until after the 15th. (I know I complained and waited forever for a great job like this, then it lands in my lap, and I start requesting favors from them?! Yup. Family first- always). 

I bought my dad an iPod shuffle and a gift certificate for iTunes for his birthday. That night we spent hours downloading his favorite music. The couple of days following that, I could not get him to take out his ear phones to hang out with us. He was busy jamming, he said. 

Lonnie, Marshall, Mom, Dad (still wearing his head phones) Jeroen, and I loaded into two full suburbans, and set off for Ruidoso.  

Tres and Liz's wedding was beautiful, charming and intimate. Getting to be a part of it meant the world to me, and to watch as they exchanged vows showed how special the love is that they share.
 
The entire time spent in Ruidoso that weekend was very special. My mom had rented a cabin that fit six of us; she and my dad, Lonnie and Marshall, and Jeroen and I. Everyone was in and out, and it was a blast just to hang out in PJ's and catch up with everyone as they stopped by.

Katie came over with Kailee and Pate and we had so much fun catching up. We spent time with them playing games, coloring and watching Kailee put on the best fashion show I had ever seen! Mom and I had bought her lots of fun outfits for her birthday and she put on each one to show us and modeled the new purse she got from Lonnie. My dad smiled and his beautiful granddaughter and all the while loved watching "Bubba" in action, being ever-inquisitive about everything. They're so much fun and my parents were just eating up every moment of it. 

Tres and Reed would come and visit, and we were able to spend some time with Uncle Gabe and Linda- Katie's mom. It was awesome just to relax and chat with them as they'd stop by, (poor Liz and Tres though, they had so much on their to-do list that weekend). But we all just enjoyed goofing off, Lonnie and I in our ridiculous cat and cow socks that Jeroen had bought us, Marshall sitting next to her grinning as he watched the little ones play, Mom, Jeroen and Kailee fascinated with the deer, and dad watching entertained as Payton ran full circles around him. 

At that instant, I breathed in deeply, took a mental picture and realized how fortunate I was. Up to that point, I had been sad because I didn't feel as if I was doing my part to help in the large scheme of things, but at that exact moment I realized something: we're all pieces in a large puzzle and when placed together, it forms a beautiful picture, that of family. I wasn't hurt, sad or frustrated anymore; I wasn't even thinking about myself. I was only thinking that this is how it should be... everyone happy together. 

Jeroen and I left Ruidoso with Lonnie and Marshall, while mom and dad stayed another night. We took a scenic route back and listened to Jeroen and Marshall discuss 70's music, while Lonnie and I sat clueless about that era, so we discussed girl stuff. After stopping and checking out some really great photo ops, we got home to mom and dads. We had every intention of drinking ourselves silly that night (without mom and dad there), but realized we were all too old and tired. Instead we ordered pizza and watched The Rescuers (a great Disney classic).

The next morning Lonnie was complaining of upper stomach pains, and I dismissed it as gas (sorry sister). Marshall had to leave in the afternoon so Jeroen and I asked him what he wanted to do his last day in town. Lonnie suggested we all go to Marshall's favorite restaurant, Perea's, a delicious New Mexican restaurant in Albuquerque for breakfast. Then we'd run some errands in town and the rest of the day was Marshall's choice. Breakfast was delicious, and Marshall was the only one who wasn't crying (literally crying) about his meal smothered in green chile, although he was turning quite red. It was most definitely spicy that day. Lonnie's stomach pains began to get worse, I assumed it was the hot chile. 

After running errands, we discussed whether or not to go the Balloon Fiesta. Marshall asked how far it was to Moriarty and how quick we could get there, knowing he had to get back to catch his plane. (Heads up for anyone who doesn't know this: Jeroen can get to most places in 3/4 the time required, sometimes half. His fuzz buster is his best friend). When Jeroen told Marshall that it would take about 20 minutes (at normal speed it's about 35-45 minutes), Marshall asked if he could go see the property he and Lonnie would soon be living on.

When we arrived, weeds were plentiful and I had a hard time picturing where the house and driveway would be. But not Marshall; he covered that whole land pointing out what he would do to fix it and how the layout would look. I admired his optimism and began thinking how great they'd be able to make the place together.


We drove back to Albuquerque and took Marshall to the airport. I gave him a big hug and told him how much fun I'd had, and I couldn't wait until the property sold so he can come hang out with us. Jeroen shook his hand and told him thank you for everything he had done in helping my mom with the rehearsal dinner and for keeping her so calm. Lonnie held him tight, kissed him, said she loved him and she'd see him soon. 

We returned back home and Lonnie's pain only got worse. Jeroen had to head back to work, but I stayed another day in case mom and Lonnie needed me. Sure enough, Lonnie was having problems with her gall bladder and discovered she'd have to have it removed. She called Marshall and filled him. Being the loving and doting husband, Marshall felt horribly guilty that he couldn't turn back around to take care of her. He had just taken on a new job as the produce manager at Kroger and was only allotted so much time off. 

Lonnie was at my parents recovering from her surgery and I'd call in daily to check on everyone. I had started my new job, and wasn't able to head home to help my mom take care of dad and Lonnie. I felt awful. But Lonnie and I had plans to go to Las Cruces for wedding planning the weekend of  her birthday so I was really looking forward to some sister time. I even had planned on having some special birthday cupcakes made for her by the lady doing our wedding cake. 

On the Tuesday of the weekend we were supposed to leave, Lonnie was having difficulty getting a hold of Marshall. He had hurt his back at work a few days prior and Lonnie became worried. She discovered he didn't go into work. That afternoon, after talking to both neighbors and police, she received word he had died in their home earlier that day. 

That afternoon, I was at work on the phone with Governor Martinez's office doing an interview. My phone was ringing off the hook and I knew it wasn't good.

I hung up on the governor and called Lonnie. The first words out of her mouth were "Marshall's dead". I couldn't fathom it, we were just with him! I'm not sure how many times I asked if she was sure. I refused to believe it. Mom had gotten a hold of Jeroen before Lonnie called me, so he dropped everything he was doing and came to pick me up from work. I immediately had flashbacks to when the same thing happened when I was in 9th grade, and Patti came to get me when we learned Lonnie had cancer. 

After an hour of bawling, the drive to my parents was silent. Neither of us had words. When we arrived, mom was shaken and dad's eyes were red and puffy. He grabbed me in a tight hug and asked me "how could this happen?! I'm just waiting for him to come through those doors.."

That night, Lonnie and I stayed up for hours talking about anything and everything. I slept in her bed and did my best not to be the notorious kicker she always yelled at me for being. But the fact is, I'm not sure how much either of us slept that night.

We've always praised Lonnie for her strength and courage and this is one more instance where she's proven to us all how resilient she is. Her support network is wider than the state of Texas and she is loved and admired by so many. But no woman should be a widow at 32 years old, especially not four days before her birthday. 

As we've always done, we continue to look to God, and ask for his strength. We know He has a greater plan and has never failed us. So although we may not understand His plan, it isn't ours to question. He has stood by Lonnie with love and grace, just as Marshall did, and will continue to care for her. 

So in the scheme of things, we're heartbroken because we miss Marshall. But we all smile when we think back to what a great, helpful and loving man he is. We're all so grateful he was able to come to Tres and Liz's wedding, and that we got to spend that time with him.   He was a large piece in our puzzle and many times, he was the glue. We love you Marshall.