The Traveling Wife, the Windshield Life

I'm excited to announce, (for those of you that don't already know) I got a new job. Actually, it's not just a job, but a career!!! ... Its a job that I love, that I'm passionate about, a job that teaches me so much, a job that I can excel in.

My responsibilities include coordinating events, creating promotional materials and assisting our director all in an effort to increase ag literacy amongst K through 12th grade students. This has been a lifelong dream of mine through all my years of 4-H, FFA, Farm Bureau membership and leadership trainings. Combining my two passions, kids and agriculture is so rewarding!

So HOW exactly do I do this? I was hired on Aug 12, so this is still very new to me. But thus far, I have been traveling the state, visiting teachers, students, fairs and ag events to spread the word of our program and teach about agriculture.

As you probably know New Mexico is the fifth largest state, so its a pretty vast area to cover. But because our state is so large, its neat to visit the different regions and see what makes the area, their residents and students unique.

Las Cruces is one of my favorite places to travel
to because (not to sound like a fat kid) but the food! Its great when we're out presenting or working in the office, and lunch time hits. There's so many options of where to eat, and you know it'll be delicious. When you live in an area that only has a couple of mediocre restaurants, you have a new appreciation for good food. Not to mention Las Cruces has beautiful landscapes which are a welcomed change from the flat, high plains. Las Cruces is a second home, so its comfortable and familiar, it does't feel too far away.

Then of course a lot of our organization's meetings are in Albuquerque, a central meeting place. I have lukewarm feelings about the big city but I do love that they have are Targets and Starbucks galore (once again, something we don't have in Eastern NM). Although New Mexico is still pretty much considered a rural state, much of Albuquerque is still urban, so that allows us a great opportunity to teach about agriculture to kids who may otherwise not have the chance to learn about it.

Our program is strongest in southern New Mexico, so we are trying to increase its awareness and offer it to teachers throughout the entire state. I've spent a lot of time in Bernalillo and our presence further north will be increasing. The further north we go (especially closer to Santa Fe), the more skittish I get. Because this tends to be our more 'liberal' part of the state, the misconceptions that children believe, takes a lot to re-teach. Thank you teachers for showing your second-graders 'Food Inc.' (sheer sarcasm).   But I look forward to going further north, like Taos, Springer and Raton.

Now for the eastern part of the state, that's my sweet spot. The community on this side of the state is kinda like family to me now, and its nice to know some of the teachers and some of the kids' parents. I'm excited about getting into the Clovis, Portales and surrounding area schools.

As for the west part of the state, I haven't spent ANY time out there, so it'll be fun to get out that way.

We've got events coming up in Roswell, Hobbs, Raton and Deming so I'll be seeing a lot more of the windshield. I've gotten a lot of questions about traveling- "You travel ALL over the state?!", "How does your husband feel about it?", "How often are you home?"

The fact is, the amount I travel is nothing compared to our director. She's fantastic and always assures that any teacher who wants an ag presentation done in their class will get one. I admire her drive and lack of fatigue, she's like the Energizer Bunny! So, when I get worried that I can't pull it off, I watch her and realize its possible.

Back on the home front, my husband misses me (and I miss him). But the great part has been that although I've been super busy this Fall, its also harvest for him, so he's just as busy. We just make sure to block out time in our schedules for one another with date nights and quality time.

I truly feel blessed though to be able to do this job, then come home to my wonderful husband, our
dogs (and the newest addition to our family- Brownie, our baby jackrabbit, haha). No, neither of us have 9-5 jobs, nor a consistent schedule but its life and we're making it work. I guess a big factor in all of this is that we don't have little ones yet so now is kind of a great time for us to be busy, network, develop relationships and try to get our jobs aligned. I do have to mention though, Jeroen and I have a training and a vacation together coming up, so that's REALLY great since we ARE still newlyweds. I guess it's just learning to manage it all.

But all in all, EVERYONE is busy, I guess its just how you choose to handle it.

Then and Now...

"Time changes things."
"Change is inevitable." 
"You can't grow unless you change."

We've all heard these statements before and as redundant and cliché as they are, they are also true. The other day I found myself jamming to Taylor Swift (yeah, I said it, no shame here) and one song hit me like a ton of bricks.

'Never Grow Up' 

"I wont let nobody hurt you
Wont let no one break your heart
No one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom is dropping you off
At 14 there is just so much you cant do
And you cant wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
Don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school
Oh darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
And no one's every burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up
Take pictures in your mind
Of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like
When your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps
Remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone
So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on
Wish I'd never grown up
Oh darling don't you ever grow up"

Granted, I know how Peter Pan-ish this all may sound, but as much as I love my life (and as much as I hated hearing the "my house, my rules" speech), I'd give anything to spend one week being 10 again. 

 

There's a big difference between 10 and 25, just like there will probably be a huge difference between 25 and 40 (and probably then too I'll be wishing to be 25 again). But just to think back and reminisce HOW much difference those 10 years have made is incredible.
 

-At age 10, I was incredibly curious and loved to ask questions. 

-At age 25, when I ask questions, people look at me like I'm stupid and tell me to 'Google it' 

 

-At age 10, I would get home from school, take a nap if I felt like it, possibly finish some homework, hang out with the neighbors, then eat the warm and delicious dinner prepared for me. Then have more time just to hang out before my bed time.                                 -At age 25, I come home from work and think how incredibly hungry AND lazy I am, yet there's no time for naps, no time to call and chat with friends, only time to get the washing machine and dishwasher filled and started, and heat up the stove to start cooking. By the time food is cooked, eaten, dishes are put away and the a load of laundry is folded, I demand its past our bedtime so we can finally crash!

-At age 10, I had a ton of energy! I'd run in circles, bored out of my wits and drive my parents and siblings bananas! Then, IF I did get tired, I'd just crash out on the couch. 

-At age 25, I'm up at 5:30am, dragging tail all day and when the yawning becomes uncontrollable,  I'm sent to the kitchen or break room for yet another cup of coffee and told to get back to work.  

-At age 10, I'd be stoked for class every day to use my new school supplies. 

-At age 25, I'm saddened to discover that the only cool adult office supplies you can buy are Scotch tape dispensers shaped like high heels.  Where are the cowboy boots?! (Oh wait, I'm picturing that. I can see how that would not be pragmatic...)  I even saw a margarita glass Scotch tape dispenser the other day!  Probably not appropriate for the work place, just sayin'......

---side note: while shopping for office supplies the other day, I saw a Trapper Keeper brand folder, and it made me smile, but no Lisa Frank pencils. : (  

-At age 10, I'd load up my tackle box, filling it with my chartreuse PowerBait, fireballs, hooks and line, grab the worms and join my dad for an afternoon of fishing. I thought we were just fishing.                                                                                                                -At age 25, I cry when I think of those moments and would give anything for one last fishing trip. Now I know, we weren't just fishing. 

-At age 10, we had recess. 

-At age 25, I join the coworkers for smoke breaks- I don't even smoke. 

 

-At age 10, I was crying over my first 'boyfriend', Jose Lugo lying to me... (he stole my brand new mechanical pencil that my dad engraved my name in and wouldn't admit it), therefore causing a fight in which we both had casts and used them to beat the snot out of one another. I won.

-At age 25, I think back to all the boys that lied to me and wished I could beat them up with a cast. Then I remember I have found the one my heart was searching for and love that we are always honest with one another. No fighting necessary. 

          - At age 10, I was SO excited to go to Wolly World!
          - At age 25, I think I'd rather get a mammogram then go to Wal-Mart sometimes.

-At age 10, I'd laugh at my sister and say "You're such a Disney nerd, you're going to end up working for them!"

-At age 25, my sister is a 'cast-member' working at Walt Disney World. 

-At age 10, I wished I lived in Dr. Seuss' world. 

-At age 25, when life gets me down I find myself quoting Dr. Seuss:

-“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”                             
- "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” (Google THAT  you mean "I don't want to answer your questions" people! 
-“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 

-“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It's not.” 

-“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.” 

-“If things start happening, don't worry, don't stew, just go right along and you'll start happening too.”

 (... I guess I shouldn't be making fun of my sister for being a Disney freak, when I love Dr. Seuss stuff. But, in my defense Theodore Geisel was real, Mickey isn't. And there isn't an entire theme park called GeiselWorld, cause if there were, I'd have already booked my vacation there : )  )

 

          -At age 10, I'd be leaving the house and dad would say "shouldn't you comb your hair?"

          -At age 25, I'm leaving the house and husband says "shouldn't you comb your hair?"

 

          -At age 10, I was in bed by 9pm

          -At age 25, I'm in bed by 9pm (Craaappp... I'm old)

 

-At age 10, I thought I had the coolest parents ever (even though they were older than my friends' parents). My mom setting up field trips so we could go to the base and check out airplanes, and her (in full out uniform standing a proud 8ft tall) and my dad with his handmade wooden yo-yos coming to my class on my birthday with cake, decor and favors. 

-At age 25, I know what it took for my parents to raise me and my three siblings while having to manage illness and work. I still think they're the greatest parents ever. 

-At age 10, I knew Mark Wahlberg was incredibly hot. 

-At age 25, I know Mark Wahlberg is incredibly hot.

 

Okay, so I guess not everything has changed.

Hard knocks and building blocks

By no means do I believe that I had a horrible "hard-knock" Annie-type childhood, but it also wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. For only being 25, I've experienced a lot of heartache, a lot of sadness, and a lot of fear. I also had great parents and siblings, who protected me from as much bad as they could, so when reality did hit, it hit hard.

I will not sit here and list all the things that knocked me off kilter, but lets just say the list is as long as my arm. I also know that, "it's life, sh*t happens..." But you'd think with all this "life" experience, I'd be stronger and more grounded. But nope, instead I'm even more flaky and skittish. I worry about everything, including what's the next storm to hit?

When faced with adversity, some people (take my mom and sister for example) put on their big girl panties and keep on keeping on. People look at them and ask how they do it, I don't even know. I'm on the other end of the spectrum, you know the weak one who bawls over everything and turns every mole hill into a mountain. Yup, that's me, the pansy!

As of late, its even worse than usual. December 10th was the hardest day I've ever had to face. After one month in the hospital fighting pneumonia and seizures, we had lost my dad. The man I love the most in the entire world, who taught me so much and made me feel so special, would no longer be around to laugh with, hug, and bop me upside the head for giggles.

We had 25 years together, but I must admit the last five were the most fun and memorable (second to my first five years with him). Coming home from college on weekends and holidays and going shopping and hanging out together were so much fun. And getting to spend time with him at our new home, which resides in his old stomping grounds really brought us closer together. Those moments spent roaming Portales and Clovis together meant the world to me.

My childhood memories of him are unforgettable as well. Being a stay-at-home dad is considered somewhat of a new phenomenon, and is only now beginning to be widely accepted. But dad was way ahead of the trend! He stayed at home with me (due to a back injury) while mom put on her pale blue button-up, knee-length skirt, high heels and left to go work in a man's world. Mom is one tough cookie herself, but that's a whole other blog in itself. We learned at a young age, that not everything has to be done by the book.

Dad would do my hair each morning before school and the days I swore I could do it myself, he would have to remind me that there was a back to my head, and that I needed to comb ALL of my hair, not just what I could see. He bought me a Barney watch in kindergarten and worked with me for weeks on learning how to tell time, especially that a 'quarter after 5' doesn't mean 5:25, (I was slow, still am). There were even days when I didn't feel like going to kindergarten, so I'd "miss the bus" (twice, our street was a dead end), and we'd stay home, watch the Woodright Shop on tape, eat corn dogs, and play Duck Hunter on my brothers' Nintendo.

It's no secret that my dad spoiled me rotten. The siblings may never forgive me for always getting my way, but he loved us all a tremendous amount. When I say spoiled, I don't mean that daddy's girl who was given daddy's credit card and a choice of whatever vehicle I wanted whenever I wanted. I was the girl who would follow my dad everywhere, including to every hardware store, woodworking store, book store, flea market and yard sale (not typical places for a young girl).

Each trip had something new and exciting to offer. A fountain pen set with a wide selection of colored inks, a Dummy's Guide to WWII to read prior to building a mini-concentration camp for my World History course, a 24 oz waffle-face hammer with axe handle, used baby clothes that fit my doll just perfectly, tackle box loaded with lures and fish eggs, and a tool bag that although wasn't meant for it, held school books, pens, pencils and a graphing calculator quite nicely.

By no means did material items make my world go around. But I loved that if dad was at his drafting table, I could be coloring beside him with graphing paper and colored pencils. Or if he and my brothers were out casting in the front yard, I could grab my small Shakespeare spinning reel and join them. Or my favorite was when I was old enough to begin woodworking and could be in the garage with him making my own jigsaw puzzles and spinning wooden pen and pencil sets on my mini wood lathe (that he bought me). Getting to share in his interests and passions not only made he and I happy, but also helped me to find my own. 

Dad also helped me find my domestic side. He was a whiz in the kitchen and made delicious pancakes, gravy and sauteed mushrooms (never together of course). Stir-fry was also one of his favorites, but it was mostly so spicy, we couldn't eat it. He also built furniture for both my baby dolls and Barbies. My older sister also had a lot of Barbie furniture that my dad built her, so I was so grateful when she handed it down to me.  Our Barbies had the biggest closet ever, Mattel couldn't even compete!!!!

Most people know that my Dad was a phenomenal woodworker and his garage was a wonderland of tools. If there's one thing that I'd say I enjoyed the most, it was the time spent in the garage with my dad. Building anything and everything I could dream up on a whim. My favorites though were a catapult (that could throw eggs from one end of the school lunch patio to the other), a guillotine that cut a carrot in half in the blink of an eye, and a 30 lb pyramid with King Tut's sarcophagus. My world history class in high school was my absolute favorite, and dad loved to hear about each new project I designed so we could start building. 

When it came to wooden toys, Dad was the original Gipetto. My favorites were his yo-yos and tops. He had made each of my brothers one, and I borrowed them on numerous occasions. Dad offered to make me my own, but there was something about their broken in, perfectly used ones, so I said no thanks. In elementary when yo-yos became all the rage, my brothers' borrowed yo-yo could "sleep" the longest, "walk" the farthest, and beat any expensive Duncan Butterfly (the best store-bought one). Dad loved to watch as his crafts brought so much joy to a bunch of kids.

As a kid, I knew my dad wasn't always well and slept often because of the amount of pain he was in. But for all that he was battling (pain, sadness and very possibly PTSD), he did a lot for his wife and four children. He brought us happiness that couldn't be bought, taught us skills that many of our peers envied, and was a best friend even when we feared the rest of the world was against us. Every parent wants to give their children the best they can, and I truly believe that my mom and dad, together, did.

Dad's passing is the hardest knock I've ever been dealt, and I have been nothing but a baby in dealing with it (crying constantly, being sad in even the happiest of times, and allowing life to come to a halt because I'm too afraid to move forward without him). I believe its all a part of my personal grieving process, and as I mentioned earlier, I'm a pansy.

But I truly believe once I learn to cope with his death, I will learn to take what he taught me and begin rebuilding my life.  He taught me to let things go ("water off a duck's back"), to stand up for myself, that it's okay to be hurt sometimes, but not all of the time, and most importantly he taught me how to love whole-heartedly. My dad was my world, my hero, my confidante, my best friend. I hate that he's gone, but I love that I had him for the time I did.
 

Happiness and Heartaches

Before I begin, there's one thing I must admit: you wouldn't believe how exciting it is to sit down and write for fun... no AP style, no five w's, no inverted pyramid, no deadlines. Just straight up grammatically incorrect, 'write like ya talk', full of opinions, (and probably misspellings) blogging. Aaahhhh.....(sigh of relief).

So much has happened lately and the fact of the matter is, life has been too darn hectic (and painful) to sit down an even attempt to write a post. So, where do I begin?

Last post found me sad, hurt, feeling useless and desperate to make a difference. The good news is, my government contract was completed Sep. 30 and I actually got paid the amount I was promised (woah, the gov't came through, thanks guys!) Towards the end of my contract I was searching heavily for another job and applied at numerous places. 

In early October, I was was chosen for an interview with the Clovis News Journal for the staff writer position. Shortly after, I was offered the job. Because my dad's birthday was Oct. 3 and my brother and his fiance (now wife), Liz were getting married on Oct. 6th, I had requested not to start until after the 15th. (I know I complained and waited forever for a great job like this, then it lands in my lap, and I start requesting favors from them?! Yup. Family first- always). 

I bought my dad an iPod shuffle and a gift certificate for iTunes for his birthday. That night we spent hours downloading his favorite music. The couple of days following that, I could not get him to take out his ear phones to hang out with us. He was busy jamming, he said. 

Lonnie, Marshall, Mom, Dad (still wearing his head phones) Jeroen, and I loaded into two full suburbans, and set off for Ruidoso.  

Tres and Liz's wedding was beautiful, charming and intimate. Getting to be a part of it meant the world to me, and to watch as they exchanged vows showed how special the love is that they share.
 
The entire time spent in Ruidoso that weekend was very special. My mom had rented a cabin that fit six of us; she and my dad, Lonnie and Marshall, and Jeroen and I. Everyone was in and out, and it was a blast just to hang out in PJ's and catch up with everyone as they stopped by.

Katie came over with Kailee and Pate and we had so much fun catching up. We spent time with them playing games, coloring and watching Kailee put on the best fashion show I had ever seen! Mom and I had bought her lots of fun outfits for her birthday and she put on each one to show us and modeled the new purse she got from Lonnie. My dad smiled and his beautiful granddaughter and all the while loved watching "Bubba" in action, being ever-inquisitive about everything. They're so much fun and my parents were just eating up every moment of it. 

Tres and Reed would come and visit, and we were able to spend some time with Uncle Gabe and Linda- Katie's mom. It was awesome just to relax and chat with them as they'd stop by, (poor Liz and Tres though, they had so much on their to-do list that weekend). But we all just enjoyed goofing off, Lonnie and I in our ridiculous cat and cow socks that Jeroen had bought us, Marshall sitting next to her grinning as he watched the little ones play, Mom, Jeroen and Kailee fascinated with the deer, and dad watching entertained as Payton ran full circles around him. 

At that instant, I breathed in deeply, took a mental picture and realized how fortunate I was. Up to that point, I had been sad because I didn't feel as if I was doing my part to help in the large scheme of things, but at that exact moment I realized something: we're all pieces in a large puzzle and when placed together, it forms a beautiful picture, that of family. I wasn't hurt, sad or frustrated anymore; I wasn't even thinking about myself. I was only thinking that this is how it should be... everyone happy together. 

Jeroen and I left Ruidoso with Lonnie and Marshall, while mom and dad stayed another night. We took a scenic route back and listened to Jeroen and Marshall discuss 70's music, while Lonnie and I sat clueless about that era, so we discussed girl stuff. After stopping and checking out some really great photo ops, we got home to mom and dads. We had every intention of drinking ourselves silly that night (without mom and dad there), but realized we were all too old and tired. Instead we ordered pizza and watched The Rescuers (a great Disney classic).

The next morning Lonnie was complaining of upper stomach pains, and I dismissed it as gas (sorry sister). Marshall had to leave in the afternoon so Jeroen and I asked him what he wanted to do his last day in town. Lonnie suggested we all go to Marshall's favorite restaurant, Perea's, a delicious New Mexican restaurant in Albuquerque for breakfast. Then we'd run some errands in town and the rest of the day was Marshall's choice. Breakfast was delicious, and Marshall was the only one who wasn't crying (literally crying) about his meal smothered in green chile, although he was turning quite red. It was most definitely spicy that day. Lonnie's stomach pains began to get worse, I assumed it was the hot chile. 

After running errands, we discussed whether or not to go the Balloon Fiesta. Marshall asked how far it was to Moriarty and how quick we could get there, knowing he had to get back to catch his plane. (Heads up for anyone who doesn't know this: Jeroen can get to most places in 3/4 the time required, sometimes half. His fuzz buster is his best friend). When Jeroen told Marshall that it would take about 20 minutes (at normal speed it's about 35-45 minutes), Marshall asked if he could go see the property he and Lonnie would soon be living on.

When we arrived, weeds were plentiful and I had a hard time picturing where the house and driveway would be. But not Marshall; he covered that whole land pointing out what he would do to fix it and how the layout would look. I admired his optimism and began thinking how great they'd be able to make the place together.


We drove back to Albuquerque and took Marshall to the airport. I gave him a big hug and told him how much fun I'd had, and I couldn't wait until the property sold so he can come hang out with us. Jeroen shook his hand and told him thank you for everything he had done in helping my mom with the rehearsal dinner and for keeping her so calm. Lonnie held him tight, kissed him, said she loved him and she'd see him soon. 

We returned back home and Lonnie's pain only got worse. Jeroen had to head back to work, but I stayed another day in case mom and Lonnie needed me. Sure enough, Lonnie was having problems with her gall bladder and discovered she'd have to have it removed. She called Marshall and filled him. Being the loving and doting husband, Marshall felt horribly guilty that he couldn't turn back around to take care of her. He had just taken on a new job as the produce manager at Kroger and was only allotted so much time off. 

Lonnie was at my parents recovering from her surgery and I'd call in daily to check on everyone. I had started my new job, and wasn't able to head home to help my mom take care of dad and Lonnie. I felt awful. But Lonnie and I had plans to go to Las Cruces for wedding planning the weekend of  her birthday so I was really looking forward to some sister time. I even had planned on having some special birthday cupcakes made for her by the lady doing our wedding cake. 

On the Tuesday of the weekend we were supposed to leave, Lonnie was having difficulty getting a hold of Marshall. He had hurt his back at work a few days prior and Lonnie became worried. She discovered he didn't go into work. That afternoon, after talking to both neighbors and police, she received word he had died in their home earlier that day. 

That afternoon, I was at work on the phone with Governor Martinez's office doing an interview. My phone was ringing off the hook and I knew it wasn't good.

I hung up on the governor and called Lonnie. The first words out of her mouth were "Marshall's dead". I couldn't fathom it, we were just with him! I'm not sure how many times I asked if she was sure. I refused to believe it. Mom had gotten a hold of Jeroen before Lonnie called me, so he dropped everything he was doing and came to pick me up from work. I immediately had flashbacks to when the same thing happened when I was in 9th grade, and Patti came to get me when we learned Lonnie had cancer. 

After an hour of bawling, the drive to my parents was silent. Neither of us had words. When we arrived, mom was shaken and dad's eyes were red and puffy. He grabbed me in a tight hug and asked me "how could this happen?! I'm just waiting for him to come through those doors.."

That night, Lonnie and I stayed up for hours talking about anything and everything. I slept in her bed and did my best not to be the notorious kicker she always yelled at me for being. But the fact is, I'm not sure how much either of us slept that night.

We've always praised Lonnie for her strength and courage and this is one more instance where she's proven to us all how resilient she is. Her support network is wider than the state of Texas and she is loved and admired by so many. But no woman should be a widow at 32 years old, especially not four days before her birthday. 

As we've always done, we continue to look to God, and ask for his strength. We know He has a greater plan and has never failed us. So although we may not understand His plan, it isn't ours to question. He has stood by Lonnie with love and grace, just as Marshall did, and will continue to care for her. 

So in the scheme of things, we're heartbroken because we miss Marshall. But we all smile when we think back to what a great, helpful and loving man he is. We're all so grateful he was able to come to Tres and Liz's wedding, and that we got to spend that time with him.   He was a large piece in our puzzle and many times, he was the glue. We love you Marshall.