One of my absolute favorite and uplifting songs... "Lord, I Hope This Day is Good".
Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feelin' empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful Lord, I know I should
But Lord, I hope this day is good
Lord, have you forgotten me
I've been prayin' to you faithfully
I'm not sayin' I'm a righteous man
But Lord, I hope you understand
I don't need fortune and I don't need fame
Send down the thunder Lord, send down the rain
But when you're planning just how it will be
Plan a good day for me
You've been the king since the dawn of time
All that I'm asking is a little less crying
It might be hard for the devil to do
But it would be easy for you
Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feeling empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should
But Lord I hope this day is good
I'm incredibly thankful and grateful for all the blessings I've been given, and the people in my life. For some reason though, I can't shake this antsy and guilty feeling I've been experiencing for months now. So many of my friends and family have demanding jobs and great purpose in life, and I can't help but look at them and be so proud how they handle obstacles and all the good they're doing.
This is when I begin to kick myself. I've spent my life pushing myself to do my best, doing things nay-sayers swore wasn't possible, and yearning to assist others. But currently, I've hit a wall and have had difficulty continuing the quest for improvement. Not because I've completed my mission and topped-out, but because I have no answers.
Again, I'm very fortunate with the life I live, but resources seem to have become limited. While in college, I felt like the sky was the limit and I could go anywhere and do anything. Reality hit soon after graduation, when I personally faced the same predicament that many others did: jobs were scarce, money was tight. Trying to hold my head high, I tried to stay positive and stayed on the job search track. Application after application, phone call after phone call, I received no responses, no call-backs.
After meeting and falling in love with Jeroen, my heart took precedence over everything else in my life and I knew I couldn't be away from him any longer. Moving to Eastern New Mexico/ West Texas definitely limited my career possibilities, but I have no regrets. When I found the man God meant for me to be with, there was nothing that could keep us apart, including the possibility of a second-best career track.
Currently, I am on a government contract for a short period, and when it ends, I haven't a clue what's to come. No one ever said life would be easy, and I'm no stranger to obstacles.What I'm not okay with, is knowing I'm not waking up everyday to head to a full-time job, busting my tail, earning a reasonable pay check. Although I'm constantly applying for jobs and trying to do what I can without having to move away from my fiance, I feel it isn't enough.
In my heart, I want to make a difference, assist people, make something of myself. I'd love to go back to school, but the idea of paying for tuition and bringing in no income terrifies me. I do not want to rack up anymore debt. To be able to contribute more and feel like less of a failure is my ultimate goal. There are some options I'm pursuing, and as they play out, I'll update.
The reason I love "Lord, I Hope This Day is Good" so much, is I find it so uplifting. I do not feel forgotten, left behind or that my prayers haven't been answered. I do know that it's all in His hands, my life is unfolding according to His plans, and that I must be patient. God has taken wonderful care of me, my life is blessed with a great family, a wonderful fiance, a beautiful home and three faux children (our pups) that I love dearly. And because of this, I feel guilt.
I have everything a girl could ask for, except purpose. No fulfilling career assisting others, no reason to pop out of bed first thing in the morning to set the world on fire, no reason to celebrate when the clock strikes 5. For all the blessings I have, I want to give back, I want to do more. Because my contracted job requires me to be out of town for the next couple of months, I'm unable to commit to anything until its over. But as soon as its done, I am taking to volunteering! A paycheck would be nice, but right now the need to "do" is more important than the need to "make".
So Lord, when you're planning just how it will be, please plan a good day for me....
