When I was in high school and college, I met some individuals that were sweet and fun, some were intelligent and witty, and others were flat out intriguing. There were also those ones who were just attractive, but (to quote my co-worker) "had the personality of my big toe". Either way, something about each of them drew me towards them, and I believe it was their one common denominator: Potential.
My mom accused me of having "lost puppy syndrome" where I would be attracted to individuals that had fallen in a rut and needed help getting out of it. To this day, I believe I contracted it from her. That's why she was able to spot it so easily. She's always been a kind, swaddling, caring type, and feels complete when helping others. Yes, those "mom" attributes are what she passed to me.
Wearing rose-colored glasses, I put these guys on pedestals and never saw them for who they actually were, but for what they could be. I never saw them on the ground, just where they were after they'd been picked up. During this time, a wise man constantly told me "You can have all the potential in the world, but it means nothing if you don't do something with it" (I now understand, thanks Dad).
My friends and family warned me, but set in my ways, I continued having faith that these guys would reach that bar I set for them, and although some attempted, it was rarely reached. To the more mature, and no-BS kind of individuals, you probably read this and ask why I even bothered, when it seems manipulative or even a waste of time. Well, that brings me to my first piece of advice- love whole-heartedly.
No matter how much effort it took, I always loved with my whole heart. This allowed me at the end of
You can imagine how difficult it is constantly putting yourself second, focusing on others' needs, leaving your behind. Then watching as those individuals pretend to be grateful, later walking off "renewed", ready to give his heart to someone else. Yup, I was usually just a half-way home, a place to stop and recover from their past until they were ready to continue their journey.
I used to wish I was like so many of my female friends that didn't put up with that behavior and made guys not only meet their expectations, but exceed them. And if they didn't... those guys never had a chance. But I'm me, and not them. I've always been a believer in not judging the book by the cover, there's more to people than what they present.
Those guys who I thought hurt me, only made me stronger. Although it may seem like I do, I actually have no resentment for them and wish them the best. Must admit, its satisfying to see where they are and how far they've come, regardless if I've helped them or not. This was especially true when I received an email from my best friend from 8th grade that I had a emotionally filled fall-out with, in high school. He thanked me for everything that I had done for him, and said he hasn't forgot about our friendship and apologized for his behavior. I had closed that book a long while back, chalking it up to teenage hormones and stupidity but have a new-found respect for him because of his maturity.
So why am I so insightful and rambling on and on about the past? The fact is, the past makes you who are. If I had the opportunity to go back and change what I've done, I wouldn't. I've made some mistakes and I'll be the first to admit it, but its what I've done and learned in the past that has brought me to Jeroen. Because of my past, I know what true...real... love is. Love without conditions. Love that is returned to me as whole as I give it. Love that even better than what you see in the movies, or read in fairytales.
Jeroen walked into my life standing 6 ft 2, and knocked down all my bars without saying a word. He was not a lost puppy, he needed no motivation to change and was not interested in taking advantage of a girl wearing her heart on his sleeve. He was perfect... right off the bat, immediately, no questions asked. Like I said, some people may call it silly, even ridiculous, but I felt something deep within me being filled, kinda like when you have an awful stomach ache, then drink a cold glass of water and can feel it coating the burn. It was like that.
No longer suffering from my "lost puppy syndrome", I am as happy and fulfilled as I've ever been. Jeroen and I baby each other... what some would say... a ridiculous amount. Our relationship doesn't require much effort, it just feels so natural. I truly believe this is what LOVE is, something magnificent that is felt by both individuals. Feelings of kindness, passion, laughter, encouragement and affection overwhelm your senses daily, and you couldn't picture yourself anywhere else but in their arms.
